HEY SAY there's a reason people from your past don't make it to your future. I try not to dwell on the reason when it's one that causes pain. For the past few months I've been working hard not to let the darkness define me, instead striving to become a source of light. I have been trying to actively focus on the current moment and the positives because there is so much to smile about.
Up until recently, the personal struggles I've been grappling with have felt inescapable, consuming most of my thoughts and creeping into my subconscious. You'd think that if you let go of something toxic that it'd be easy to move on, but then grief always catches me off guard.
Even though there are still difficult days where I feel like I'm relapsing, most days I feel like I am making progress because I still gained a lot when I lost. Over time, the clarity that truth provides has given me a renewed sense of self-worth and optimism. I feel good about not taking the easy route that troubled people often do, ignoring logic and reasoning for the temporary and illusionary psychological comfort of the status quo.
In the time spent away from blogging I took greater interest in many activities that slowly helped bring me back to feeling like me. Yoga has been and remains one of the most influential. It teaches appreciation for the journey rather than the destination; it dissolves the ego and allows us to enjoy the beauty that surrounds us if only we took the time to look for it.
My months have been filled with lots of loyal friends, new faces, and countless fun activities: live concerts, comedy shows, parties and gatherings, poetry readings, basketball games, photography, and most recently a return to the kitchen. I feel ready to re-immerse myself again after taking some time out to reflect and pursue other interests.
CUPCAKE INGREDIENTS
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- ¾ tsp baking soda
- ¼ tsp baking powder
- ½ tsp salt
- 3 pureed bananas
- ½ cup sour cream
- 3 tbsp dark rum
- 1 ½ tsp pure vanilla extract
- 4 oz. butter, room temperature
- ½ cup granulated sugar
- ½ cup packed light brown sugar
- 2 eggs
- banana chips for garnish
CUPCAKE DIRECTIONS
- Preheat oven to 350.
- Combine dry ingredients in one bowl and wet ingredients (pureed bananas, sour cream, rum and vanilla extract) in another.
- Beat butter until smooth and add sugars slowly until creamy. Add eggs one at a time and mix after each addition. Then alternatively add dry ingredients and wet ingredients, starting and ending with the dry mixture. Do not overbeat!
- Fill mini cupcake pan until ¾ full. Pop into oven to bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown.
CARAMEL FROSTING INGREDIENTS
- 1 ½ cups granulated sugar
- ½ cup water
- 6 oz unsalted butter at room temperature
- ¼ cup sour cream
- 2 tbsp rum
- 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
- ¼ tsp sea salt
- 16 oz. cream cheese at room temperature
FROSTING DIRECTIONS
- Mix sugar and water in a saucepan, cooking on medium high heat until sugar dissolves. Then raise heat and let the mixture boil. Do not stir.
- When the sugar is a deep amber (took approximately 20 minutes for me), remove immediately and stir in butter sour cream, vanilla extract, rum, and salt. Let cool.
- In your stand mixer, beat the cream cheese until it's smooth and beat in the caramel.
- Place in refrigerator until firm enough to pipe. Overnight is a good choice, or freezer if you want to expedite the process.
- Frost and garnish with banana chips. Eat immediately! :)
Banana chip on top.
